One of the unique characteristics of Positive Singles (and other HIV and herpes-themed dating sites) that is not as prominent on ‘mainstream’ dating sites is the need for discretion, or in some cases, anonymity. Many Positive Singles members will choose not to post a photo in their profile to avoid being discovered by friends, acquaintances and family, and this can create an obstacle for them and other members interested in their profiles.
Having said that, I have noticed an upswing in profile photos even since I created my profile in Positive Singles in early May, 2009. A slowly growing acceptance of herpes and HIV, as well as a realization that Positive Singles is not a popular site amongst people without these conditions, is the likely cause.
However, for those who wish to remain discrete while still networking on Positive Singles, there are options.
If you have an upgraded membership, there are plenty of options, as you have access to various methods of communication. The simplest method is in sending an email through the site to another member, letting them know that if they read your profile and are interested, you can send another email with a photo. If the response is positive, you can send them another email with a link to a photo that you have either uploaded, or to your facebook, myspace or any other social networking page on which you have a picture of yourself.
But let’s say that you are not a paid member, and don’t wish to be unless you know that there are prospective matches out there. In this case, you can use the free ‘winks’ feature, which allows you to attach a variety of messages to your winks. One such message you can send with a free wink is:
“Please email me if you’d like to see my photo”
Now, as long as the person you’re ‘winking’ at is a paid member, they can email you asking to see your photo, and even as a free member you will be able to respond to this email with photo links.
The tricky part is exchanging photos with other free members as a free member yourself, so you may find it worthwhile to take some time to plan who you would like to contact, upgrade your membership for a month, send out photos to interested parties, and decide from the results whether to continue with your paid membership.
Now, you may also be in a situation where your photos are posted in your profile, but photos of members that you’re interested in are not. In this case, you can request photos from these members whether you are a free or paid member.
As a free member wanting to see a photo of another free member, you can again use the free winks with this message option:
“I want to see your picture. Can you please post one?”
Or, if you’re a free member contacting a paid member, you can use this message option in the ‘winks’ section:
“I am interested in you. Can you please email me your photos?”
As a paid member, of course, you can use either of these winks, or simply send them an email requesting them to post a photo in their profile, or respond with one via email (since even as a free member they will be able to respond to your initial email).
Phew. Hope this wasn’t too confusing, and it has shown you that there are options to maintain your discretion within Positive Singles.
